20100604

Where Life is Led

Another Jam at Eve's, May 2010
One of my online contacts recently wrote a blog entry about love letters. Every line written to her had been in electronic format, and she longed for the shared tactility of a written letter. We have moved from valuing the tangible to preferring the convience of some vague series of electronic signals that don't use perceptible physical space. Cash may be king, but electronic transfers negate the need for a receipt, or direct human interaction.
Accidental Exposure, May 2010
As I read about "sweet notes crammed with inside jokes, long letters filled with promises of things to come and messages short on punctuation but long on thought" written to her at different stages, I was struck by the fact that I have no such collection, virtual or solid. No one has ever composed promise-filled sweet nothings just for me. It made me a little sad.

Deep Thought, March 2010
Much of that reality is due to my own choices. I am a workaholic, and when not working, I am a recluse. I socialize, but rarely go beyond the superficial. I fall for men who are, ultimately, unavailable to me. All this largely because as much as I want to be able to trust in someone else, fundamentally I believe that the only person I can truly rely on is myself. I've created a world that is less secure, and more lonely, than the one I had planned. But since it's the only world I know, I would be hard pressed to create a new one.