Saying Good Bye

Somewhere in the mid-1990s, a little band of stray cats took up residence in my garden. I gave them food and water, and one at a time, was able to put them in carriers to bring to the vet to be "fixed" and vaccinated. The last little guy (for some reason, they were all male) showed up almost a year after the rest, toward the end of his kittenhood. More skittish than the others, he wouldn't let me touch him directly. I had to pet one of the other cats, then he'd sidle up next to the other cat and rub against it, and then I could pet him as long as he didn't look up and see I was touching him.

During Brighter Days in 2006

He never really lost his general distrust of people (probably a good thing, being an outdoor cat), but over time we reached an understanding that I could, for very short periods, scratch his head, and he became comfortable enough to follow me around the garden at a safe distance and meow at me as I worked. I named him Joxer the Mighty, after a tv character who was also a bit of a chicken, but he became my Booboo kitty.

One by one, my feline brood passed on or disappeared and Booboo was the last of the bunch. A friend who rescues cats brought another outdoor cat, Chuck, to keep him company. Things went well until this summer, when Booboo had a tumor removed from his leg. The tumor was not biopsied, but I suspect it was cancerous. Not long after its removal, Booboo lost a lot of weight.  And then he lost his strength, began walking unsteadily and his fur lost its lustre.

Supervising in the Garden, 2007

I decided to bring him indoors when the temperatures dropped and the rains came. Even in his weakened state, he made a couple of runs at the door to try and make it back outside. But in spite of the fact that I was giving him all the food he could eat, it just went right through him, and though I didn't know it at the time, tumors had developed around his abdominal area, and he was probably starving to death. He was in such bad shape, even Piglette didn't growl at him when he took a kibble from her bowl last night (she chases Gigi for even coming near her bowl).

Thin, but still on his feet, November 2012

When I woke up this morning, I found him on the floor, unable to move, and scrambled to bring him to the vet so that he wouldn't suffer. In retrospect, by the time I found him, he was probably beyond suffering, and I'm second guessing my decision to take him to the vet. Maybe it would have been better to wrap him in a blanket and make him as comfortable as possible so he could have passed on at home. I guess I'll never be sure.

After a Long Break

I believe that this is the longest break from blogging I have ever taken. For the first time in several years, I've had nothing to share with the world. We're already a few weeks into it (and it's early for the lunar version), but happy new year!

When I last posted in December, I was painting. I painted the bedroom my housemate vacated, and while I was at it, the main bathroom. Both rooms were in dire need of love. I'm eying the kitchen now, although that really needs much more than just paint.

The room, painted and ready for an occupant 

My grandfather planted the Meyer lemons outside the window nearly 60 years ago

I have been hoping to find a new housemate through friends, but no one wants to live in the boring 'burbs! I'm contemplating craigslist, although I have bad luck with craigslist, so I'm putting that off for as long as possible.

Fresh paint in the bathroom, too.

Yes, that's doggie shampoo, it's too cold this time of year to bathe Piglet outside!

I'm still technically jobless, but I had a few interviews, which is an improvement over the big, fat nothing I was getting before. I picked up some part-time temporary admin work just to get by for the next few months, while giving me time to keep searching for something longer-term. I still dream of turning ideas into things that work, and for the right idea, I'd go just about anywhere.

In my spare time, I've become more active with the grassroots animal welfare group I've volunteered with since 2003. Instead of volunteering at the program level, I am now helping with their first-ever formal Development plan. Given my work experience, the fact that I have done some nonprofit development work, and the fact that it can be difficult to find volunteers for the less-fun background work (most volunteers want, understandably, to be hands-on with the animals) I think that is where my efforts will make the biggest difference.

Somewhere in the fray, I was asked to sit on the Board. I wasn't thrilled about taking on that responsibility, particularly since fundraising is already demanding, especially at the volunteer level. But I am not good at saying no, so I was voted on last week. I am already preparing my letter that states my intention to step down at the end of my term.

Confession: philanthropically speaking, education is my true passion. While I support animal welfare, environmental and social justice causes, I truly believe that education is the key, that an educated population is aware of its faults and has the tools to fix them. I hope one day to devote time to educational issues, but I haven't yet found where someone with my skill set can work most effectively in that arena. If anyone has ideas on that front, I'm all ears (or eyes, in this case).

On a Lighter Note...

After the last bummer of an entry, I'm moving to something lighter. With 4+ years of blogging under my belt, I'm always disappointed to discover my writing skills haven't improved! Granted, blogging for me was never an exercise in writing so much as self-discovery to help me through my midlife crisis, which, oddly enough, is still going strong. But since these sites allow picture uploads, I can make up for my lack of writing skill with bad photography! And so, I've decided to make this entry a pictorial dedication to a few fellow bloggers I've connected with here...

I admit it, a giant photo of her Stuart Weitzman pumps first attracted me to Middle Aged Woman Blogging. [EDIT: I also like her Kickin' Ass and Taking Names... tagline!] Although our lives have been nothing alike, I feel as though we share some of those growing pains brought on by midlife. In honor of MAWB, not the highest or most expensive pair of heels I own, but the red patent...

Red pumps, 2008 (please excuse my worn out floor)

I found Wander to the Wayside while searching gardening enthusiasts... and discovered a person of substance. If you read nothing else on her blog, check out the series she wrote about discovering her biological mother through the records from the orphanage where she lived several months as an infant. In honor of Linda, I snapped this courgette blossom from my garden. The seedling appeared in my compost one day, and is from a light green zucchini I bought at the farmer's market. Funny, I usually cook zucchini seeds and all...

Squash blossom, July 2010

Confession: Elizabeth is a friend of one of my exes, so I didn't meet her through blogging. But she is a talented designer and free spirit, who has been known to drop everything, move to a new place AND not just survive, but thrive. I always enjoy her photos of her travels, even the ones of familiar sites, because she always has an interesting perspective. My regret with this photo is that it isn't very creative. On the few occasions I leave my house to have a drink, I go to the Uptown. It's low-key and I like the details in the bar, the egg(?) strip along the top, the Corinthian columns, the pipe cleaner men lined up along the top and the old-time pharmacy drawer pulls.

The Uptown, June 2009

An Englishman in Southern Germany will always hold a special place in my heart. When I wanted to "see" what life is like where he lives, he introduced me to photoblogs and Phonecam 365, the photoblog of an Englishman in Saarland, and the first blog I "followed" on Blogger. AB likes rusty metal and shows the mundane in unique perspectives. My housemate welded together this now rusty stove from scrap metal while he lived in a shipping container in a welding yard. It was his lifeline in the winter, and now it enjoys its retirement as conversation piece and occasional s'mores heater. I dedicate this photo to both AB and my Lobo, wherever he is now.

Woodstove pieced together from scrap metal, July 2010

(yes, my house really is THAT yellow)

Blackandwhiteandcolours is another photo blog from Southern Germany, with a twist. Martina combines her photos, usually black and white, although she throws in a colour shot here and there, with a quote from a book or story she is currently reading. I've seen snails in a few of her photos, these two (and the bug with them) are from my garden. Alas, I don't have a matching quote, so I'll pick something from my current read...  "Merriweather was the King of the Game, the Liar's Poker champion of the Salomon Brothers trading floor." Liar's Poker by Michael Lewis.

Garden snails, July 2010

Tim visited my blog first, so I visited his blog, Catnip, an amalgam of fiction, poetry and commentary, quid pro quo. He's a Renaissance man and hard to define in one photo, but he recently posted photos of his cats and dog. I thought about posting yet another Piglet photo, but instead, I'm going to toot my own horn and post stellar sea lions recently used on the Schmapp tourism guide (one of hundreds, uncompensated, so not much of an honor). It should be the first photo to appear in the upper right box and if you click on the photo, it takes you to my Flickr account, where they found the photo.

 Stellar Sea Lions, Pier 39 San Francisco, August 2009

 This post is not exhaustive of my reading list, and I had more blogs in mind, but the length of this post is becoming a bit unwieldy, I'm running out of photos, it's 1:30 at night, AND I have to remember to visit everyone I mentioned to let them know I have something for them. Perhaps I'll find the energy to continue on another post...

[EDIT: another confession... I've been trending toward crazy lately with wild mood swings, and in the process, even though I've been trying to keep away from everyone, have managed to alienate a few people who are dear to me. If any of those people happen by this blog, I'm sorry. Life in general is so uncertain right now. Not an excuse, but an attempt at an explanation.]

Transitional Season

The San Francisco Bay Area is in the midst of deciding whether spring should arrive or not.  Bone chilling storms during which I huddle by the fire cursing my leaky windows have been alternating with seductively mild days that entice me to leave my house without a jacket.

Last Monday was one of the pleasant days and by luck, a holiday here.  I hiked Mount Tamalpais wearing just a t-shirt over my hiking pants.  It is still early enough in the season to see waterfalls throughout the state's green spaces and the day was beautiful.  See the blue sky in the photo at left?

On Saturday I hiked at Castle Rock and the weather had turned again.  Drizzly, cold, low visibility.  I was chilled to the bone and wet to boot!  But I have to admit the mist does look quite dramatic.

After Castle Rock, we headed out to the coast to try to catch a glimpse of an elephant seal at Año Nuevo and almost ran into one sleeping on the beach (left).  I didn't notice the scratches on her back until I looked at the photos.  I hope she wasn't hurt!  Elephant seals may seem awkward, but they are fast and can be aggressive.  I admit I was too chicken to walk around to take a photo of her from the front.  Now that we got to see one seal, though, we hope to return to the preserve in the next few weeks before they return to sea.

And I hope to see the signs of spring popping out at me more frequently in the coming weeks.  I plan to take a little stroll to the nursery around the corner to ogle vegetable seeds and seedlings.  I cooked beets and chard and had radishes from the garden yesterday and I'm inspired to be more attentive to the garden this year.